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  • Writer's pictureZsofia Fischer

ARE YOU PLAYING THE VICTIM?

How long do you want to remain a victim of the circumstances? How long do you want to blame others for things that aren’t in your life the way you really want to? How much longer do you pass the responsibility on to others, instead of taking it back to yourself and thereby returning to your power, taking control of your life again?

I don’t blame you for choosing the easier path — complaining, blaming, threatening, blackmailing, insulting. I don’t blame you if you feel it's being hard and heavy, even horrifying to acknowledge and embrace the power that is yours and thereby assume that YES, I AM RESPONSIBLE. I don't blame you if you don't want to. But if, still, a little voice inside whispers that you face yourself, I want you to know that you are capable of it. Because if I can do it, then anyone can. As a child we are (mostly) born into a certain type of family operation, we observe our parents' behavior and games, and then we learn, practice and apply (in the absence of awareness) the strategy that is most useful to us for a lifetime. We learn to live in a way, to gain attention and strength for ourselves. As children, we have little opportunity to enforce our will unless we live in truly conscious, sentient, and understanding family. We soon learn that our will is seldom fulfilled, the habit still most often dictates that the child is not equal in a family. On the one hand, the child is forced to endure this, as it ensures his/her survival, and on the other hand, it is a bloodthirsty injustice for a child. Inertia in the face of strength, power, breeds a lot of anger and frustration and shapes our personality, our attitude for a lifetime. Although we can develop different strategies, often we stay in a victim mode for a lifetime, thinking and feeling that * I'm not important * it doesn't matter what i want * I'm helpless * the world is unjust * I am a victim of circumstances. SACRIFICE. Perhaps this beautiful and noble-sounding word sounds familiar only to my female, maternal ears, but it can also be familiar even as a man, since typically the whole of Hungary is imbued with the role of victim. By the time we grow up, sacrificing, making sacrifices for others, our families, and our children often becomes part of our identity. We practice this sacrifice with children from the beginning to be responsive to others (e.g., get off the swing in the playground so the other child can use it), to give up on themselves, their own well-being, and their joy for the benefit of others. This is how she becomes good, lovable, kind, well-mannered in the eyes of her parents and later in the world, while giving up her will, desires and ultimately herself. The child learns how the world works, what is good and what is bad, and in the end she finds strange and becomes judgmental to the assertive, powerful, willful people who say "Thank you, I am doing very well", and do what they want despite the (common) disapproval of the world. They are the ones who are "selfish, think only of themselves and have no regard for others." They don’t complain, they don’t blame, they just do what feels good to them and live life how they want. How do you feel when fate brings you together with such a person? Are you outraged or envious? It took a lot of work to quit the role of a victim. To put an end to the anger bubbling inside me, which was whipped not only by my own sacrifice but also by the anger of the generations of women ahead of me. The anger and pain of the endless helplessness felt about millennial female oppression, painful vulnerability, outrageous injustice. Facing myself and my feelings, as so many times, also now carried the solution. Mourn what you went through and move on. Step out of the painful, detrimental yet familiar scheme of being a victim is. Possessing all the knowledge I have accumulated over the past decades about myself, the functioning of people and the world, and .... to move on. To live. To act. (Or not.) Exactly the way I want. And to sacrifice only when I give from my pure heart. Then it is no longer a sacrifice, but an offering, an expression of love. The question is, when I look back on my life, what do I want to see and feel? Grateful people for whom, asking or unwilling, consciously or out of habit and fear, I have sacrificed myself and my life .... or to feel the deep gratitude, peace, and joy that pervade my body and soul that I have lived the life I truly wanted? If you chose the second option to your heart’s content, at one point — and the best NOW — you would have to stop complaining, blaming, all quit your games, and taking 100% responsibility for yourself and your life. Think about the opportunity you get with this! Because even if you can’t always choose what happens, you always choose what you think, how you feel, how you react to the events in your life. If you too want to step out of being a victim and take responsibility for yourself, but you’re not sure how you’re going to do it alone, I’m waiting for you! I now have two individual coaching spots starting in May. Send me a message for details and to see if we can work together!

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